The kids always come first. I absolutely believe that. But is staying together “for the kids” actually putting them first? Is thinking that they’re better off with both parents really what’s best for them? Especially if the relationship is hostile or cold? There are always extenuating circumstances, but in the case of a toxic relationship, is the benefit of having both parents living together better than having them live apart?

 

I was in relationship with my kid’s dad and it sucked. Even though his dad is a good man and father, he’s a crap partner. So I was miserable but I stayed for my son’s sake. He was having some issues and I didn’t want to bring turmoil into his life. I would never put my own needs ahead of my kid’s. But after a few years of this, I was feeling depressed, lonely, resentful, and angry. I felt suffocated by my ex. We never argued, but we never did anything. My son never saw us holding hands or snuggling together or any sort of affection. So I realized that that was a shitty way to raise my kid. He’d grow up thinking that was how a loving relationship should be. And I’m sure sub-consciously he was picking up on my sadness and misery. So I ended it and it was awful having to be the “bad guy.” His dad blamed me for ending things, but it was the best thing I could have done. Now his dad is seeing someone, and my kid is happy and well adjusted and all is fine. It was the hardest thing I ever did, and I felt guilty and worried, but it was the right thing to do for all of us. I think kids seeing their parents happy and healthy is better for them than seeing them miserable and defeated.

 

Simple answer.... No. Staying together for the kids is a horrible idea... Kids know when things are not right... No matter how amicable mom and dad are together, if there is tension and there always will be in such a situation kids pick up on it... That has a more negative effect then just splitting up....

 

Saying that you are doing it for the kids is a cop out, they see reality and know that their parents are miserable making them miserable.

 

To play the devil’s advocate, what if there are special circumstances? What if one parent tries to keep the other from seeing the kids? I know the rights of fathers varies from country to country. Or what if one parent has an addiction? Or they are just a terrible parent?

 

Sometimes I wish my folks had split up - wasn’t much fun growing up in a household with parents yelling at each other all the time- luckily it never came to blows between them anyway - however they did stick it out - and it was the perfect example to me - and I have lived my 29 years of married life trying every minute not to be like my father, and admiring the fortitude and strength of my mother. I know how to love and show affection at every opportunity- so I guess I didn’t need to see it in others to know how to do a good job as a dad and as a husband after all

 

I'm so glad my parents split. It was better for me and I knew that from a young age. One household (staying together for me) produced abuse while the other (separated) created at least one good household.

Kids aren't dumb and adults rarely consider they're just little humans like us with just as complex feelings.

 

My ex was certified crazy. Was even hospitalized for it. My lawyer said there was no chance for me to get custody. ZERO chance.
So I stayed to protect my kids.

 

it will just make things harder and worse the longer you wait

 

No kids, no problem.

 

Well... What if's can go on forever.... Playing the kids against one another is a common thing... Currently my nephew is married but has a baby momma... His mom... My sister bad mouths said baby momma all the time... I make it a point to address it every time I hear it... Sis is the oldest I'm the yougest... I know for a fact that the boy in question hears what's said because he has asked me... The cool grand-uncle.... Why G-ma doesn't like his mom... hard question to answer... My nephew is rather spineless and won't stand up to this mother... In general.. at least here in the states... The courts feel kids are better off with the mom.... So if dad wants the kids he has to show evidence that mom is unfit... Now I have found that is a rather high bar the clear... Based on several friends that have gone thru this process... In my nephew's case he had to see his son with burises on his backside and upper thighs... These were put there by baby momma's BF... Took a year For him to get his kid outta there... Yeah... If it was not for cooler heads I'd be serving time right now... Another rather common thing is that one parent is or has abused the kids... Either physically or sexually... In most cases this is the mom that makes the allegation about dad... Yes it happens.... But in my experience it's all bullshit... But the court has to take it into consideration... So dad is fucked... It's impossible to prove u did not do something that u are accused of doing because nobody is watching you 24/7/365.... and with the kids with Mom she can condition and manipulate the kids to say what she wants them too.. Basically here in the states... If you got a dick.. u have to prove what you are saying.... If you got a pussy... No proof is needed for any allegation u want to bring up in court.

 

Depends how far you take it.
If a couple breaks up just because one of them is vaguely unhappy and thinks that another partner either real or imagined would be a better match, then the children’s interests are not being served.
If a couple breaks up over physical, drug or alcohol abuse then clearly that is a different story.
Each situation has to be viewed separately.
Bottom line though is the choice to have children should be the most somber well thought out decision of one’s life.

 

Yep, it's tough toting around a white dick these days.

 

I'm not letting another man be a father to my kid. That's just not ever going to be something that I'm going to be ok with, I'll put on a happy face and sacrifice being happy to make sure my kid is raised the way I want them to be and not with outside influence from mom's bf.

 

Staying together just for the kids is plain damned foolish and very selfish.

It's a fucking excuse, it's an underlying reason for a sense of security for the parent.

Parents are to be parents and both parents are to be involved as much as possible for the child.

Best to move on that acquire a relationship/marriage with another...

Besides that, the child will hit the mother load during Christmas and birthdays with 4 parents.

 

I haven't divorced my wife and she lives in my house with my kid but I've moved out. She and I get along better now and I see my kid whenever I want... and do almost every day. We get along better because we don't live together AND because her doctor has adjusted the THREE mental health meds that she takes daily.

 

I ve thought bout this, n I personally think that Kids Don t have to pay for their parents faults, they got to have a full family, I Don t want my kid to grow up with complete stranger. Espetially when it is a daughter. I Don t even want my grand Kids to have that. Ppl got to be responsible and not to think with their Dick or cunt. Of course there are when one parent is worse than step one.

 

I have two friends who are going through a divorce right now.
I have known both of them quite a few years.
For quite a while I didn't know which one to listen to.
That is until I saw a video of the man walking into their bedroom and grabbing his wife by the hair and dragging her through the house and throwing her out the front door. The look in his eyes was enough to make up my mind.