Monogamy gets a bad rap as too many are taught it as an adherent restriction rather then a mutually benefit of a vested interest, as what you expect from it should be a reflection of what you contribute to it. Instead too many imagine this as some form of ridiculous contractual obligation looming over the sum total of their relationship that requires not even the slightest thought as to continually investing more into it. Nothing that requires an investment can be left alone with the expectation to grow exponentially or properly including children, businesses, flowers or even the monogamous relationship?

For a flourishing relationship there is always a need for managing the many aspects our lives lest we forget the nucleus in which the relationship itself is built upon, which must always relate to the outcome of both persons involved. I have been in a relationship spanning almost 32 years and in that time we've suffered and have strained our relationship to it's breaking point (at times.) We've had those "we need to talk" moments so much that it's almost unspoken that we'll have those again which always produce some results, even if those solutions only temporarily fix the breakage. Always remember that even the strongest relationship is only as strong as it's weakest link and that monogamy should be a teacher and not a jailer!

 

I think sexual monogamy has nothing to do with a healthy relationship...its about both the partners having the freedom and giving each other the freedom and not holding secrets. One can have any number of partners if both are aware and nothing is held back or hidden....In fact sexual monogamy leads to such a vitiated and jaded relationship that its just not worth it. Its been like that since ages...one looks for variety in everything, in clothes, in food, in everything....marriage is an artificial construct that is very fast becoming irrelevant. I think do what your heart guides you to, but keep the trust...!

 

well said

 

Humans are not monogamous by design. So you work with it or against it.

 

I wouldn't say monogamy has "nothing to do" with a healthy relationship if it's a choice that the couple make and can adhere to the mutual responsibility of it. I would agree to a "monogamish" lifestyle being more practical such as you described, but in truth not everyone is as suited for that as well as some who are not destined for marriage. Which I disagree is not merely a construct if your intentions are about being truly committed to the life of another or making other lives such as children, which too many are born in single parent homes to the detriment of the child's well being.

 

It should be about what you're both comfortable with. I keep my pants zipped because that is what my partner wants and trusts me to do, not because commitment and responsibility are virtues. Glorifying abstract concepts can be dangerous and lead to unhealthy relationships.

That being said, I don't think I would be ok with being in any kind of non-monogamous arrangement. Once upon a time I would have been, but I got burned once so I guess I have some trust issues now. It's a part of me I don't like, but since monogamy is what she wants as well it's not a problem.

 

I agree....yes! What Angel said! I have been in a marriage relationship for 33 years and we have a decent marriage but the sex is horrible! She is not open to anything.....I guess the best way to describe our sex life is I don't want sex with her and she just doesn't want sex period! She doesn't masterbate. I have bought her several dildoes to encourage her too. I do love her but what is a guy to do??

 

My wife and I have been having sex for fifty years now, been married for forty six and still have some form of sex at least two or three times a week. Full sex, oral, anal, mutual masturbation, self masturbation, anything, and we are still discovering different sensations and ways to cum without needing to stray outside our marriage.

 

I have said this before: I think that monogamy as a principle is admirable and I don't suggest for a second it is something that people ought not to strive for .

I am just not convinced that long term it is achievable, which leaves the vast majority of us in something of a quandary, what to do or how to react when we or our partner do eventually trip up and the fall doesn't necessarily result from how much or how little sex you are prepared to offer up to your partner.

When Milo uses the expression 'teacher' and 'jailer' he makes an interesting point though I'm not sure it bolsters his argument as much as betrays it

 

I hope "teacher" or "jailer" show the spectrum, the foundation starting by the way we look at it initially when it's offered. If a man or a woman feels that the other is a toy for sex or out of desperation the only love they'll ever have it's doomed to fail on it's face, as they are not at that level where another #1 is desired. Before marriage I knew early on I was a relationship kind of guy, when sex was offered early on it had to show some future which meant avoiding the cheap over the valuable. You have to be the kind that's open to monogamy as a foundation and not give up when it doesn't work, you assess the situation and you try to solve it. Another way that makes it better is to see it as respect, "If you don't earn it, it's not deserved!"

 

Absolutely spot on. Our relationship started with both of us thinking " I'm going to have some of that " and plenty of casual sex, then it grew and 50 years later here we are.

 

I think I'm too jealous of a person to be able to do that. It's not a trust thing or a control thing, so much as I want to be the only thing she needs, get myself to a level of man that can fulfill as much as I can for her. It's definitely something I wouldn't be comfortable with, I wouldn't want to do that either. I can see the interest and reason behind it for many people, but it's definitely something that isn't for me. I just hope monogamy is something people will still want to do, and not get totally lost as our cultures start to shift.

 

I agree with you on that 100% . I love to be the only one fullfilling a guys needs,wants,desires and fantasies. I have to the number one,the only one.In return he gets the same from me.

 

I beg to differ that humans are not monogamous by design, because it lacks regard to the great range of feelings and emotions that are developed being born in a traditional families. While i would say, it holds more truth with a SECULAR FAMILY, but NOT a traditional family that is composed of most of the world. Some prefer and desire security or ONENESS and best find that with monogamy. This security can be for various reasons, for example knowing they can fully trust in that partner or expose embarrassing aspects of their mind, heart and soul, where another person that has an average body may feel comfortable. Also, we have to take in consideration that there are people, who want their own car, their own house, their own garden and their own spouse WITHOUT having to share it with anyone else.

Now to those who are out and about or in an open relationship, view these kinds of people as restrictive, controlling and possessive, "MAYBE" because that monogamy couple are sexually hotter than anyone they seen before and they want a piece of the action. It is akin to those outside religion accusing religion of being restrictive, controlling and possessive because they make a personal choice to abstain from various sins. I am just saying, it can go BOTH ways, and its best we all keep an open mind for the sake of less stereotype, wars and humanity.

 

Fantastic reply and it only shows the lack of knowledge and respect for monogamy or a poly lifestyle, when you disrespect what works for others rather then yourself.

 

I believe it's the last generations that haven't matured enough being raised to believe that "instantaneous gratification" is easier then what it takes to commit to love not sex.

 

That's certainly a possibility, but it goes beyond that I believe. It's not as if polygamy is new, nor is monogamy old, not the desires for instant gratification. What I believe is the issue here is trust. Trust is derived from choosing long term goals over short term ones, believing that you or another person will both choose the long term one over the short. It's like cheating on a diet, running a red light to make it to work on time, or having an affair. It's an extra step above simply "instant gratification." This generation, my generation, is no longer learning how to trust properly, and therefore no longer willing to be trustworthy. That is only my observation, I can obviously be way off base. But I see it time and time again from people my age, people not knowing how to trust others, so they do only what's good for themselves in the short term, ignoring the long term effects. It takes a great deal of trust to try to make a relationship work for a lifetime. And many of us simply don't want to do it.

 

Difficult to converse with you right now as I may have completely blown it with the only woman that's stimulated me in eon's.

If I haven't blown it, I don't think I should be allowed another chance.

I shall surround myself with cats.

And listen to every word you say.